Sometimes it can feel like you and your spouse are living as roommates who are simply coparenting the same children. What happened to YOUR relationship? You know, the one that existed before the kids were born.
I can tell you what happens in my life. We get busy. Other things (just about everything but our relationship) take priority. As more time goes by, nothing changes, and we simply go into survival mode. Soon, we can barely recognize one another as the attractive person we chose to build our life with.
Sometimes this can be an easy fix and just takes a conversation and refocusing of your efforts, but other times, it can feel impossible, scary, and quite honestly, super awkward to try and reconnect and reclaim a certain level of intimacy with each other.
1. Physical Touch. Nonsexual physical touch can go a long way in rekindling your warmth and affection for each other. Start slowly and increase the number of ways you touch your partner each week. Hold hands while watching television, kiss good morning and goodnight, give your spouse a hug, scratch their back as you walk by, grab their butt, or reach out and touch their arm as you talk to them.
2. Reinvent Your Early Days. Sometimes life’s circumstances make it impossible to revisit the place you had your first date or enjoyed your dating years, but you can try to reinvent aspects from it. The idea is to recreate the feelings from when you first met. What did you like to do together? What did you talk about? Be creative and surprise your mate!
3. Write, Type, Text or Talk. I don’t mean the usual day to day conversations of what’s happening and what needs to be done. I mean, connect on a fun, carefree, possibly flirtatious level. Share your interests, your goals, and your hopes and dreams. Ask questions and try to show interest in topics that your partner is interested in. Learn new things about each other! Remember old things that maybe you forgot about each other. Write short love notes. Send a text just to see how they are doing during the day. Send fun, silly emails written in a different persona.
4. Similar Interests. Find something that you can do together. Start watching a TV series from Season 1 together. Pick a book together and have your own book study. Play a board game or cards after the kids are asleep. Each person make a list of MUST SEE movies and compare your lists. Watch the movies that each person hasn’t seen yet, alternating between lists. Take a (dancing, cooking, music, yoga, art, fitness, etc) class together.
5. Laugh. Laughing can release endorphins which make you feel good. Laughing with your spouse is one way to connect and feel good together. When we laugh, we often are more relaxed and not as aware of our defense mechanisms. This can help us be more open to connecting in a carefree and lighthearted way with our spouse. Sometimes life is just too heavy that we forget to laugh, but we need to remember that we need to share the joys and laughter of life together and not just the stress, worry and burdens.
Don’t wait another day… Now is a great moment to start.
Reclaim your relationship TODAY!