Communication can be difficult on the best of days. It can be a challenge to find the time and energy to communicate in a healthy, respectful, honest way. Ideally, communication concludes with all participants feeling understood and listened to even if you can’t agree.
1. Know what you want from the conversation. What are you hoping to accomplish from the conversation? What is your goal? Be really honest with yourself about this. Are you hoping to be better understood? Are you hoping to change someone’s mind? Are you hoping to come to an agreement? Are you hoping to find a solution to a problem?
2. Don’t Judge. This can be hard to do sometimes when there is a difference in values or opinions. It’s an important step though in being able to respectfully communicate. You don’t have to agree but try not to judge what the other person is saying. The other person’s opinions, feelings, insight, and ideas are important and valid even if they differ from your own.
3. Just Listen. Listen and repeat back what you heard and end by asking, “is that right?” This simple but seemingly difficult task can make a worlds of a difference when it comes to having someone feel listened to and understood. It gives the speaker the opportunity to clarify what was said versus what was heard. Practice this exercise during calm, lighthearted conversations instead of only trying to use it during more sensitive conversations where emotions might be running high.
4. T.H.I.N.K. Is it Thoughtful? Is it Honest? Is it Intelligent? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? If so, then it is probably okay to say it.* If it isn’t, it is probably better left unsaid. Sometimes the biggest impact we can have is by saying nothing at all.
Do you have any other ideas or tools that promote healthy communication? Please comment and share what works for you!
* The T.H.I.N.K. acronym is taken from the Paths to Recovery book which is part of the Al-Anon literature.
